Monday, November 16, 2009

The Six Myths About Marriage


"A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries."

Yes, I still have Laspapi's Tarzan Monologues on my mind.

The same weekend that my uncle was celebrating his fortieth wedding anniversary was also our own fifth wedding anniversary. Expectedly, my wife and I had several interesting discussions on what we will do to make it to forty. We concluded that it was best to just live it one day at a time.

I do some work with an NGO as a sort of relationship advisor. In the course of my duties, I usually meet with couples - both married and intending to marry. Most of the time I just listen and you will be amazed at the kind of things that people say they go through in their relationships. I have discovered that most people have created myths about the institution of marriage.

Most of these myths are based on misinformation. Misinformation fuelled by wrong attitudes.

Most of these misinformation unfortunately come from so called 'experts' and contained in books and magazines. For the wrong attitudes, I hold magazines like Cosmo responsible. And some of our 'Singles & Married' pastors. Some of them just don't have a clue.


Most of these myths are about the other sex. Myths about Men or Women in marriage. If these were all, there really wont have been much problems but sometimes, people have created myths about marriage itself.

I have tried to compile some that I have discovered both in the course of my own marriage and from listening to others. Some of them I had myself going into marriage but I believe I am wiser now.

I do not claim to know it all. After all, I am still married. And still learning. Please feel free to disagree with me.

These myths are about the Who, What, When, Why and How of marriage. The sixth myth I am still trying to grapple with. Here's hoping we will unravel it together in the next six weeks.

14 comments:

akaBagucci said...

perhaps the first line sums it up perfectly...

I think we fall into two traps often - over romanticising or over spiritualizing these things...

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

you blame Cosmo? Well, I blame Disney personally. Creating this dream that princesses need to look for prince charming and over romanticizing the realities of relationships. =)

Anyway, will be back to read you report.

happy anniversary to you and the missus. Hope all is well.

Myne Whitman said...

This sounds interesting. I'm still a novice and will like to see the myths you came up with. Congrats on the fifth.

bumight said...

will be checking this page intently...

rethots said...

Beautiful, let's go on a jolly ride then.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

i blame Disney, cosmo, M&B, some pastors! but most of all i blame the couple in d marriage sef, u hear some ppl say something sometimes and u r just like what??? u cnt be serious.

oya waiting for d report o!

N.I.M.M.O said...

@Bagucci: It sure does. I found it so apt. Over romanticising and over spiritualising? In fact its over doing it. Many thanx for your comments.
@Sydelle: I thot I was the only one with that beef for Cosmo but Disney? OK, I will give them some slack. Thanx, many thanx for your comments.
@Myne: The journey of a million miles starts with a step. You have started already. Many thanx for your comments.

N.I.M.M.O said...

@Doc: At least, now you won't need to remind me to update again? Hope you find it worth your while. Many thanx for your comments.
@Rethots: Yes O. Let's go there. Many thanx.
@36: You blame Cosmo too? I actually lost a girlfriend to a Cosmo quiz (long story) but since then, I'd sworn off it. Those guys confuse people.

The unfortunate thing is that people now carry those misinformation along and try to build a life based on it.

Hope you find the report worth your while. Many thanx for your comment.

Nice Anon said...

Cosmo is great to have a look at every once in a while as you shop at the grocery store. People don't really buy and take those things seriously do they?

aloted said...

definitely looking forward to reading more on this...bring it on!

Azazel said...

Lol I seriously blame disney mehn..
I agree with Solomon..

Nimmo abeg no vex, i just came upon ur blog today.. I should have made an earlier appearance..

Favoured Girl said...

lol @ Solomonsydelle... I blame Disney too, but I also blame Hollywood romantic movies and Mills & Boon novels that oversimplify relationships.

There are too many myths in popular culture about relationships and marriage, I'll be interested to read what you come up with.

ablackjamesbond said...

Happy anniversary bro.

FFF said...

who ever wrote that first article must be a man afraid of committment & therefore demonisizing marriage to justify his phobia. or it is a woman who is frustrated dat her deep desire to be marriage is not turning into reality, & is thus reasoning dat if she paints marriage black enough, den hopefully she wouldn't want it so much!


as for who to blame, i blame d pple who after they are married & discover say 'wetin dem dey talk wen dem dey go farm no b d same way dem dey talk wen dem dey return from farm' (in other words, there is a huge difference between fantasy & reality) chose to bad-mouth marriage. i also blame single people who bad-mouth marriage.

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