Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Happy Married Life!

I was at a recently married friend's place over the weekend and they were obviously still in their post-honeymoon daze. Everywhere in the house was littered with photographs, cards and gifts -opened and unopened. Since most of the gifts were wall-clocks anyway, the couple decided to stop opening until probably later.

I also noticed so many cards, many wishing them a happy married life.

How would you describe a Happy Married Life? Is there really anything like a happy married life?

Or is it as my good friend Abadingo said, that the words 'happy' and 'married' cannot exist in the same sentence? You are either happy or you are married. They are mutually exclusive.

I told about an uncle who recently celebrated his fortieth wedding anniversary. I went to see him during the week. I looked at their wedding picture again, he was a young man of 23, recently graduated from university and just got a job. She was a wide eyed, very pregnant woman of 20, recently qualified as a teacher.

I couldn't help but ask him if he had thought about what they would be doing in forty years time. He did not. Remember that this was in the middle of the Nigerian Civil war. They were afraid but they lived everyday as it came.

So I asked him: Has he had a happy married life?

He answered emphatically in the affirmative. I wonder can he be for real?

What do you think?


Healthynaija said...

Whoever said Happy and Married Life do not go together has bought into this lie that our generation has concocted. Its almost like men and women today thrive on stories of marital drama and people love to highlight the unhappy man who feels stuck in his marriage (the one he willingly proposed to o, its not like they dragged him kicking and screaming).
N.I.M.M.O, there are happy marriages, I am surrounded by really close fam and friends that are happily married (despite the struggles of marriage).

Yes, divorce rates are higher and yes there ARE unhappy marriages but there are happy marriages too. People are still marrying for the right reasons and there are going to be people that will stay married just like your uncle.

Have a great day!!

bumight said...

NIMMO! This sounds like a scare tactic! I'm sure its possible to be happy and married *buries head in sand*

LucidLilith said...

Marriage is just like life only that in marriage you go through life with another person. Single life and married life can be happy or sad. There are no guarantees. Just pick a side and jump.

Myne Whitman said...

Of course there can be happy and married! NIMMO, your uncle is right. I remember my parent's 25th and the emotions and words they both shared with the vow renewals.

It's a choice, you make it as happy as you want.

N.I.M.M.O said...

@Healthy9ja: I must agree with you that this lie needs to be exposed for what it is. There are indeed happy marriages but sometimes, the evidence otherwise can be overwhelming. Many thanx for your emphatic comment. LOL!!
@Doc: You may be right o! It may be a scare tactic by the 'Dabimotida' who have probably failed in the venture of marriage. But then can one really fail in a marriage? That is a question that will require answers. Many thanx for your comments.

N.I.M.M.O said...

@Lucid: '... Just pick a side and jump.' You're right its just like life; you have to live it anyway. Many thanx for your comments.
@Myne: Of course, there can be but as said, sometimes the contrary evidence can be damning. Maybe that's what people see most of the time. Many thanx for your comments.

Nice Anon said...

It is always easy to focus on the "down" side of marriage. Surely some people out there are happily married.

Repressed One said...

LOL@ the quote you started with.

I'm sure there are good marriages. I do agree tho that the alarming rate at with marriages seeming fail nowadays makes that a hard statement to make.

Vera Ezimora said...

Nonsense! Look @ me ... I am happily married!!

Oh, wait ... I'm not married.

Well, whatever! I will be happily married. Honestly, I believe it is very possible to be happily married. Just as it is possible to be happily single. You have to make the choice to be happy: married or single. It starts with laying a good foundation first.

MPB said...

I don't want to sound redundant, but I emphatically agree that happy and married are mutually exclusive, in that being married does not guarantee happiness just like being single does not guarantee unhappiness. Your happiness is what you make of it in whatever situation you are in. So yes, you can be married and happy or married and unhappy thanks, for commenting on my blog :)

Lady A said...

Every marriage is different. You can't base someone else marriage on yours. I'm happily married. Wasn't always like that but finally my hubby and I got it together. Do u not have ups and downs with your friends?
I agree with Healthynaija.

Shubby Doo said...

Measuring happiness of any sort is like trying to define how long a piece of string is...besides it is relative…plus the fact that imperfect two people coming together as one can never be a perfect union…but married life aint supposed to be that...but it can be a good life…one should realise that all those happily ever after fairytales are just that...fairytales...cos the story never tells us how they actually lived…

if it aint broke then dont fix it...if it is (even little fissures count o!) then marriage is about trying your very damn best to fix it...to get through it …& to get past it…else what is the point?!!!

FFF said...

i am happyily married! not dat am happy with my husband all the time, but 85% of the time am estatic that am with him. there r a lot of unhappy marriages, yes, but i feel there are many more happy ones. It's just that those who r unhappy make more noise abt their unhappiness (am i sounding insensitive here? am sorry if then), & d happy ones keep quiet so as not to be seen as gloating. Life is full of shit anyways. Whatever u get handed, u live wit it or try to make it better, daz my philosophy.

Cidersweet said...

Really, this is what I have been thinking about for the past weeks/months. Like everyone said, esp. HealthyNaija, you make your marriage work. I am used to looking around and seeing less than desirable marriages, and this has made me quite cynical about it (tho most people cant tell), but I am seeing that I need to be positive.
Thank you for raising the issue-- I have read comments that have made me resolve to be more positive about it.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Life is what you make it and no one is responsible for your happiness but you. If you are unhappily married, then why don't you do something about it?

Happiness and marrid go well in the same sentence and I know quite a number of people that are happily married. This is because they made the conscious decision to make sure that is so for BOTH parties involved

Tisha said...

i believe true love conquers all
and marriage can be happy too.
know i'll never walk down that aisle unless i am sure i am in-love.
heck! i need a reason to know why i have to hang around some other human being and it sure as heck had better be love.

N.I.M.M.O said...


You have indeed confirmed that a happy married life is possible. I will be posting more about this in the following weeks.

Don't mind my laziness o.

Many thanx for your comments.

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